Moral and Virtuous

Going to church is a struggle for me on the best of days.  Wrestling my crew of little ones through meetings leaves me feeling as though I've run a marathon by the time we all pile in the car to go home.  Add to that the fact that our sweet little happy baby Anna is also just as independent, active and loud as any of her siblings, and combine it with naptime church (1-4) and you have a recipe for exhaustion.  Despite the craziness, John and I rarely miss a Sunday.  Last Sunday was a real doozy of a Sabbath.  Sacrament Meeting was a struggle, as usual, with Anna being the prime troublemaker and arriving a few minutes late, relegating us to outer darkness, I mean the uncomfortable folding chairs that Anna loves to bang on.  The talks may or may not have been good- I caught the topic and that was it, between potty breaks and all the other assorted mayhem.  By the time Relief Society started I was so done, but looking forward to being with my fellow sisters. 

Now, another thing you should know about me, I seem all sweet and nice, but I'm very sensitive while pregnant.  I've been known to rant and rave over all sorts of things while pregnant, particularly items that bother my intellectual self.  Just ask John.  Pregnant or not, I get annoyed often by 'cliche' or not particularly gospel truth things people will say at church (for some reason, Relief Society is always the worst culprit- talkative women!), but being pregnant makes me, well, grumpy.  All this is to preface what I am about to say.  I was in Relief Society for the beginning of the lesson but had to leave a few minutes into it, thanks to my oh so spirited Anna.  We ended up by the Mother's lounge, and then by Daddy's class, where he mercifully agreed to take her because she wasn't yelling at him, just me.  When I made it back to R. S., I was intrigued by the discussion.  The ladies in the room were monopolizing the lesson with comments and stories, not unheard of at times.  That, in and of itself, is certainly not a bad thing.  What bothered me was the gist of the comments, and the fact that they continued on for the next 15 minutes or so along the same line, without deviating from their theme.

The idea was that morality, or virtue, is determined  by the way women dress.  Well, that was the take home I gathered from it, anyways.  I went back and looked up the talks today, after asking the teacher from last week what they were, as I had missed that part of the lesson.  The talks are great talks: "Dare to Stand Alone" and "Stand in Holy Places", both given by President Thomas S. Monson.  I don't object to anything in the talks themselves, except for perhaps the excessive storytelling nature, but that's just the way he rolls.  They are uplifting and inspiring.  So, how did we get from the concept of personal righteousness and worthiness, knowing right from wrong, and end up discussing the scandalous way in which so many women dress, and what we can do about it?  I don't know.  Maybe I wouldn't be so disturbed if I hadn't missed half of the lesson.  The reason it bothered me is threefold.  One, why should we care so much about what other people are doing?  We're not in their shoes, we don't know where they're coming from, and we all know what the Saviour himself had to say about judgement.  It's simply not our place.  And if you're worried about your teenage sons, they can turn their heads.  Breasts are part of life, and they're going to see them sooner or later.  Two, focusing on that one thing seems to superficial.  Virtues, ethics, morals are such an interesting topic.  There is so much you could discuss.  For heaven's sake, I've been teaching a philosophy class this semester, I could go off about different ethical views and approaches to being a good person.  The focus on whether, for example, a girl is covering her shoulders, is such a letter of the law, not spirit of the law thing.  I don't want my children concerned with the letter of the law, I want them to understand the spirit of the law.  Why do we take good care of our bodies?  Why do we treat other people's bodies (and spirits) with respect?  Why should we try to do the right thing and How do we try to do the right thing?  Third,  the whole discussion of men and women and women's responsibilities for somehow being responsible for men's thoughts and actions (or implicated as such) pushes every feminist button I have.  I should be able to wear whatever I want, if a man looks and thinks something, then too bad.  Because of the testimony I have I DO care what I wear, but I can see how people in other situations may not feel the same way, and I in no way believe that they should be held responsible for other's thought or actions.  As I tell my children, you cannot control what someone else is doing, you can only control what you are doing.  Don't tell me what someone else is doing wrong- do everything you can to put yourself in the place you need to be and control yourself, because that is ALL you have control over.  We all have agency. 

Well, off my soapbox now- but I have a feeling I won't be in R.S. much anyways before the baby comes.  I spent that period in nursery today with Anna (who can't go for 6 more months!) and was so much more relaxed.  She was a much happier person in there, enjoying snack time, toys, etc.  I have a feeling we'll be visiting nearly every week, and that might not be such a bad thing- We'll both be happy there.  The 2 and 3 year old's don't make comments that drive me up the wall nearly every Sunday ( ;  Oh well.  This season, too, shall pass!