Believe

I listened to a beautiful essay on NPR while driving home from church today. It had been one of those days. 75% of the Children had a great day at church, but that other 25% made it difficult to get much out of meetings. The primary secretary actually had to find a last minute substitute to cover the piano, because that 25% was banging on the piano, and screaming at the women she usually likes. Combined with a busy morning, it made for a tired mommy coming home. The essay discussed two ways to go through life: in a figurative taxi, secluded from the rest of the world, cloistered, or on a subway. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. Subway trains can be crazy, they are often packed, they can smell bad, there is the occasional crazy person sitting in the corner, or scary looking individual. Yet, it can often be a very interesting experience. The writer (I'm totally spacing his name!) suggested that faith can be acted out in either way: you can lock the office door and pray (taking a taxi) or join the noisy, sometimes irritating or smelly or weird throng and pray communally.
As necessary as it is to have a private spiritual sense of self, and relationship and beliefs, I realized in that moment that it is VITAL to have the communal worship as well. I dragged the children to church today with the best intentions, but left a little frustrated. Rather than being edified, I was irritated by small sexist observations and caring for an overtired toddler- but that's not the point. There will always be things I find 'smelly', things I don't 100% agree with. There are certainly as many crazy people at church as there are on the subway. And, like today, some subway rides are less than stellar. But, the joy to be found is in the journey, and for every difficulty experienced I can think of people who have touched my life, opportunities I have had to grow and develop, and moments where I have felt the spirit of truth speak to me. My epiphany today was thanks to NPR, not my Sunday services. Yet, I think that's okay, and like to think that attending church allowed me to understand something I needed to. I watched adults caring for young children during the last portion of church and was struck by their genuine charity, and the simple truths they taught my little ones. This opened my heart. So, as I continue my spiritual journey in the Gospel: Up and down, and back and around, and making progress in the end, I'll continue to enjoy the communal opportunities at Church (Which, I often remind myself, is not the gospel, but an extension of it).